Now in its third year , The Maloney's celebrate and mock the very worst in British music ahead of the BRIT Awards. Past winners include Tulisa , Union J and Kimberley Walsh.
Here in full are all the winners of THE MALONEYS 2015
TESCO CLUBCARD WORST BRITISH ALBUM
JESSIE J -Sweet Talker
Jessie beat off stiff competition from Sam Bailey to follow in the footsteps of Tulisa and Kimberley Walsh to scoop the prestigious Worst British Album.
The former lesbian hit new heights of musical abomination of this overproduced . pandering to the American market , screechy mess.
Newly unemployed Sam Bailey ran her a close second but it was more bad news for the former X Factor winner , recently dumped by Syco.
Fellow nominees Cheryl, Pixie Lott and Union J were left trailing behind
ALDI WORST BRITISH SINGLE
WORST BRITISH VIDEO
Band Aid 30 -Do They know Its Christmas
Bob Geldof trotted Do they Know Its Christmas out again last November as a potential cure for Ebola. The loud mouthed scruff made an embarrassing appeal whilst on the X Factor ,for people to buy copies and use them as coasters , Christmas decorations , Frisbees , place mats, nail sharpeners all in the name of Ebola.
Not even an all star cast of Ed Sheeran , Sam Smith and Ellie Goulding could save this sanctimonious mess , with its patronising lyrics -'where a kiss of love can kill you '
The song was the overwhelming winner of Worst British Single with Mike Read's atrociously racist UKIP Calypso , running a distant second.
The accompanying video was also the clear winner of Worst British Video. Studio footage of millionaires One Direction trying to look artistic and Zoella pretending to be a singer was awful. Spare a thought for Jessie Ware who looked a spare prick who was given no lines to sing whilst 90's relics Seal and Sinead O'Connor got large chunks each. Then theres the intolerable Rita Ora who'd get her fanny anywhere for a hit
WORST BRITISH GROUP
KINGSLSLAND ROAD
The X Factor rejects beat Union J, Collabro , The Overtones and One Direction to scoop Worst British Group.
They follow in the footsteps of previous winners JLS and Union J , who came close to a second consecutive win.
Kingland Road failed to set the charts alight with Dirty Dancer in the summer. Not even getting naked for Gay Times magazine could whip up any interest. In fact their arses are more appealing than their music. Especially Matt.
By the end of the year , the black one had left. It was reported that absolutely nobody was anticipating any new music soon
WORST BRITISH FEMALE (in association with Vagisil)
WORST BRITISH LIVE ACT
CHERYL FERNANDEZ-VERSINI
The toilet attendant bashing Geordie has scooped two awards. Her appalling singles Crazy Stupid Love and I Don't Care see her win Worst British Female. She follows in the footsteps of Tulisa and her Girls Aloud mate Kimberley Walsh.
The equally awful Jessie J was a close second , whilst Sam Bailey , Pixie Lott & Rita Ora all polled respectively.
Cheryl's other award came for Worst British Live Act , where she narrowly beat Big Reunion's washed up manband Fifth Story.
The Macel Marceau of British pop probably wont be asked to sing at the Academy Awards anytime soon. In fact , she'd be lucky to get asked to sing at the Glamour Awards,
WORST BRITISH MALE
JAMES ARTHUR
For the second year in a row , former X Factor winner and charm school graduate James Arthur has been named Worst British Male. Arthur now owns 3 Maloneys , but not a bar of soap.
WORST BRITISH BREAKTHROUGH
BEN HAENOW
The X Factor winner was the runaway winner of Worst British Breakthrough , following in the foottsteps of The Voice winner Leanne Mitchell and Union J.
With Sam Bailey having been ditched by Syco , we'd suggest Haenow hold on to that white van he milked to death on X Factor and that lovely Croydon flat.
WORST INTERNATIONAL MALE
KIAN EGAN
Former Westlife member and I'm A Celebrity winner , the always down to earth Kian Egan was the clear winner of Worst International Male. His long forgotten solo efforts saw Egan try to pass himself off as some middle of the road , Irish answer to Bryan Adams. Instead he looked like a tuneless dickhead.WORST INTERNATIONAL FEMALE
AZEALIA BANKS
Homophobic non-entity Azealia Banks beat off pop's newest heffer Meghan Trainor to win Worst International Female for the second consecutive year.The American rapper apparently took time out from spewing bile on Twitter and actually managed to release her album last year. As expected , nobody cared.
WORST INTERNATIONAL GROUP
A late category saw 90s boyband Boyzone beat fellow countrymen U2 and The Script as well as Magic and Fifth Harmony to Worst International Group.
Despite the fact they should have had their reunion and then packed it in , Boyxone continued to flog a dead horse with an horrendous Motown covers album.
Expect the neverending reunion to continue as Keith Duffy waits for a phone call from a Coronation Street casting executive , Ronan has another affair and the other two inevitably appear on The Jump or Celebrity Big Brother.
